AUTHOR'S FOREWORD TO THIS REVISION(May 29,2000):This final revision of 
my longest fic to date supersedes the previous version posted to RAAC 
in October 1999.All of the kinks in the previous version have been 
worked out,so enjoy!

DISCLAIMER/LEMON WARNING:None of these characters are mine,and no
copyright infringement is intended.Never mind the fact that there are
consensual sex scenes.Some of them,particularly in the first part,are 
same-sex.If you are offended by "slash" lemons,please hit the "back" 
button on your web browser(you have been warned).Otherwise,especially
if you think that Tsubasa Kurenai and Konatsu Kenzan deserve each 
other,please feel free to continue reading.No,I'm NOT gay,I'm just 
severely pro-Ukyou biased.Yes,this yaoi lemon is post-volume 38;and 
since this takes place a couple of years after the end of the manga 
storyline,all parties depicted in the lemon scenes are at least 18.
Sorry,pedophiles.

"Take Me Out To The Bathhouse"(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon Fanfic),by Mike Rhea

***********************************************************

Tsubasa and Konatsu walked through the streets of Nerima,heading for 
the public bathhouse.

"Konatsu-kun,aren't we glad that we're both men?,"inquired Tsubasa.

"Definitely,Tsubasa-kun.When we go to the public bath,we won't ever 
have to worry about being separated,"replied the transvestite kunoichi 
who was raised as a girl.

Less than a minute later,the 2 transvestites arrived at the bathhouse.
The kunoichi and the most-of-the-time living inanimate object(who was 
only dressed as a girl)then proceeded to the men's side,and first 
entered the dressing/undressing room.

"May I,Konatsu-kun?,"inquired Tsubasa.

"If you let me do the same,help yourself,Tsubasa-kun,"replied the 
transvestite ninja as he and his partner took turns undressing each 
other until they were both entirely nude;at that point in which they 
accompanied each other to the bathing area.

There,in front of other bathhouse patrons,they doused each other with
warm water,then lathered themselves with soap.They then began rubbing 
their nude bodies against one another,arousing both of their sexes.
Then,as other men stared in shock(including a certain ancient pervert 
who then snuck to the women's side),the two transvestites applied 
shampoo to each other's heads.As they took turns shampooing each other,
Konatsu thanked Tsubasa for convincing him that he was truly a guy and 
not a woman.Then,as they started rising themselves off,Konatsu asked 
Tsubasa "Shall we begin?"

"Why not?,"inquired Tsubasa as he and his lover continued rinsing 
themselves off.When they finished,Konatsu laid down on the floor of 
the bathing area,back-side down;then Tsubasa lowered his mouth onto 
Konatsu's erect member and his own erect member into Konatsu's mouth 
so that they were laying on top of each other in the 69 position.They 
then began sucking on each other's throbbing members to see who would 
orgasm first.As they did so,they felt the pleasure build up slowly,but 
surely.The pleasure continued to build up;and eventually the 2 felt 
the shockwave of an orgasm wrench their bodies,and they continued to
suck on each other's erect members as to muffle each other's moans of 
ecstasy as they climaxed in each others mouths.They quickly lapped up 
each other's cum.By doing so,however,they began pleasuring each other 
again;and they continuously brought each other orgasm over and over 
until the both suddenly lost count,at about the same time the sweet 
aroma of their love juices began permeating the men's side of the 
bathhouse.Then,as angry women catapulted Happousai back into the men's 
side,Tsubasa and Konatsu felt each other's softening members leave 
each other's mouths.Almost immediately afterward,the 2 got up off the 
floor,and began kissing passionately as they resumed rubbing their 
naked bodies against one another.They continued kissing as they felt 
Konatsu's hardening member slide into that of Tsubasa.At that point,
the kissing began muffling each other's moans of pleasure.They would 
not last long,however:Within minutes,the 2 climaxed and shouted each 
other's names as they felt each other's love juices touch their 
softening members.

"I love you,Konatsu-kun,"said Tsubasa.

"I love you too,Tsubasa-kun,"replied Konatsu as he and Tsubasa 
continued to kiss very passionately to the shock of other bathhouse 
patrons,including Happousai who promptly passed out horrified by the 
yaoi public display of affection.

"Unfortunately,Mike Rhea's fics aren't phony after all,"thought defwood 
to himself as he regurgitated,revolted by the yaoi sight in front of 
him.

*******************************************************************

Meanwhile,in western Kyoto,a typical day of business was winding down 
for Ranma and Ukyou Saotome at their okonomiyaki restaurant which has 
operated at its current location for just over 2 years,which is almost 
not only as long as they've been married,but it's also been as long 
since the lifelong friends became business partners as well.Their last 
customer for the day,Shuutarou Mendou,had just entered the 
okonomiyaki-ya after landing one of his heavy bombers just half a 
block away and was starving.

"Good day,Saotome-san,"greeted Mendou.

"Good day,Mendou-kun,"replied Ukyou."How would you like your 
okonomiyaki tonight?"

"One seafood combo,please,"replied Mendou."How have things been,
Saotome-kun?,"he then asked Ranma.

"Very well,Mendou-kun.It's a lot more peaceful here than in Nerima.
However,I did receive a letter from Ryouga Hibiki today:He and his 2 
concubines,Akane and Akari,are doing well.In fact,Akane recently gave 
birth to her second(and Ryouga's third)child,Shinnosuke,in which they 
named after the guy from Ryugenzawa who saved her life many years ago.
In addition,Akari is very pregnant with her second(and Ryouga's fourth) 
child and is expecting any day.Meanwhile,Dr.Toufuu finally fessed up 
to Kasumi;but not before Nabiki locked the 2 together in the same room.
Last,but not least,Tsubasa and Konatsu,as usual,are busy with each 
other,"replied Ranma as he was preparing 3 seafood okonomiyaki,two of 
which were heart shaped,since they were to be consumed by by both 
himself and his wife(In fact,on the okonomiyaki that he was cooking for 
his wife,he naturally wrote "I love you,Ucchan" in sauce.)."And you,
Mendou-kun?."

"Unfortunately,(Ataru) Moroboshi was recently involved in a wild orgy 
that is known to have involved Lum,Benten,and Ryuunosuke.I got a major 
nosebleed when Lum told me the rather lurid details of how she and 
Ryuunosuke had fun together as Moroboshi watched in pleasure.
Thankfully,my sister Ryouko was fortunate not to have been involved.
Ditto for my fiancee,Asuka Mizunokouji.In fact,she and Ryouko have been 
faring well.BTW,Saotome-kun,has your dad ever apologized to you,your 
wife,or her dad for pulling that dirty trick that culminated in your 
old man stealing the Kuonjis' yatai?"

"He finally did when my mom threatened to make him commit seppuku in 
front of me and Ucchan,both of us who have been wronged by his dirty 
trick.He had been unconvinced even when Akane-kun came clean and 
admitted that she truly loved both Ryouga and Akari and that she was 
fully aware of the fact that Ryouga and P-chan were one and the same.In 
fact,Ryouga sent us pictures of his kids,some with them as piglets.The 
pictures didn't convince my stubborn old man,but my mom's seppuku 
threat did.BTW,Mendou-kun,your okonomiyaki is ready now,"said Ranma 
as he walked to the counter and placed a dish of freshly-cooked
okonomiyaki(the one that wasn't heart-shaped)in front of the scion of 
the richest family on the planet.

"Arigatou,Saotome-kun,"replied Mendou as he began devouring his 
okonomiyaki.

"You're welcome,Mendou-kun,"added Ukyou as she placed the other 2 
okonomiyaki,to be consumed by herself and her husband Ranma,onto 
dishes.

A few minutes later,Mendou had finished devouring his okonomiyaki;and 
he then handed Ukyou some money and thanked her and Ranma for the meal 
as he left the okonomiyaki-ya,returned to his heavy bomber,and flew 
back home.It was closing time,and Ranma went outside to take down the 
shop curtain for the day;and after taking the both the shop curtain 
and the fold up sign inside(and locking the door),Ranma was welcomed 
by the sweet aroma of fresh seafood okonomiyaki that he cooked himself.
He sat next to his wife(who wrote in sauce "Love,Ucchan" on the one 
that he was going to eat),and as they were both starving,they 
naturally began savoring their okonomiyaki.Within minutes,they had 
cleared their plates.As they washed a few last dishes,Ranma asked his 
wife "Ucchan,aren't we the best okonomiyaki cooks in the world?"

"Certainly,Ran-chan,"replied Ukyou."Anyway,Ryouga-kun and his two
wives have 3 children between them and are already expecting their 
fourth.Ran-chan,is it about time that we thought about starting a 
family of our own?"

"Why not?,"replied Ranma as he accompanied his wife to their bedroom 
where they began kissing very passionately.Once in the bedroom,they 
wasted little time getting down to business:Ranma began kissing and 
sucking on Ukyou's neck as the 2 untied the sashes of each other's 
identical garments.As they took off each other's blue okonomiyaki 
seller's shirts,Ranma felt Ukyou's breasts through her chestwrap and 
was aroused by it.Feeling her husband's manliness rub up against her,
Ukyou felt her love petals stir in arousal as Ranma helped her slip 
out of her tights.In return,she helped her husband slip out of his 
tights.They then started kissing again as Ranma ripped off Ukyou's 
breast bindings.Ukyou felt her aroused nipples harden as she took off 
Ranma's undershirt.

"Ran-chan,I'm discarding my chestwrap permanently,"said Ukyou."It 
would be a lot easier for us if I wore a bra instead of going through
the pain of taping my chest."

"You're more beautiful then ever,my beloved Ucchan,"replied Ranma as 
he traced his hands down to Ukyou's waist and carefully took off her 
panties.After stepping out of her panties and tossing them out of the 
way,Ukyou found herself entirely nude except for the bow in her hair.
They resumed kissing very passionately as they rubbed their bodies 
against each other.Ukyou felt Ranma's hard groin through his briefs 
and was further excited.They continued kissing rather lustfully to 
muffle each other's moans of pleasure until,suddenly,Ukyou got a bit 
impatient."Enough teasing,Ran-chan,"she said as she traced her hands 
down to Ranma's waist and carefully began to take off his briefs.
"Let's wash up.I'll scrub your back if you'll scrub mine."

**Music:"You Dropped The Bomb on Me,"by the Gap Band**

"Anything for you,my beloved kawaii iroke otemba,"replied Ranma as he 
stepped out of his briefs and tossed them out of the way as he and his 
lovely wife were both naked at last.

Ukyou blushed profusely,but unlike the times before Ranma finally 
chose her,she didn't whack him with a spatula.Though Ranma was hers 
exclusively,Ukyou still felt tomboyish at heart.In fact,Ranma had 
always told her she was cute regardless of her wardrobe,unlike a 
certain kawaiikunai otemba who wouldn't admit that Ryouga and P-chan 
were one and the same.Instead of hitting him with a spatula,she 
accompanied him to the bathroom.

********************************************************************

As they arrived in the bathroom,Ranma and Ukyou wasted little time 
getting down to business:After Ukyou placed some towels adjacent to 
the bathing area,Ranma undid the bow in her hair as they stepped into 
the shower together.After turning on the hot water to get wet,Ranma 
and Ukyou each took a washcloth and began scrubbing soap all over each 
other.As they began applying shampoo to each other's heads,Ukyou  
asked Ranma "Ran-chan,aren't you glad we don't go to the public baths?"

"Certainly,my darling Ucchan,"replied Ranma."Why get separated from 
each other in public when we can bathe together in the privacy of our 
own home?"

As they shampooed each other,Ranma and Ukyou began moaning in pleasure 
as they rubbed each other's naked bodies against one another.Then,as 
they were rinsing themselves off,Ukyou lifted a leg up and told Ranma 
"Enough teasing,Ran-chan.Get in."

Ranma quickly complied with Ukyou's wishes as he inserted his rock 
hard member into her love tunnel.As the began caressing each other's 
necks,they began kissing rather lustfully to muffle each other's moans 
of pleasure.For Ukyou,it was just like her first time with Ranma,but 
without the pain of his hardness tearing through her virgin barriers.
While Ukyou was fantasizing about that first time,Ranma began kissing 
and sucking on his wife's neck,and then began fondling her well-
developed breasts causing her to moan even louder.As they both moved 
their hips in sync,Ranma lifted Ukyou off the ground as she wrapped 
her legs around him.With her love button rubbing up against her 
husband's manliness;Ukyou climaxed,shouting out "RAN-CHAAAAAAANNNNN!" 
as her love juices dribbled out of her sex onto Ranma's balls.This,in 
turn,caused Ranma to orgasm as well:"UCHAAAAAANNNN!,"he shouted out as 
he held on to Ukyou tightly and ejaculated all the way inside of her.
A few moments later,after their pleasure had faded,Ranma lovingly 
carried Ukyou out of the bath with him(as Ukyou's legs were a bit 
weakened from that intense orgasm);and without washing off each 
other's fluids,they used the bath towels to dry each other off,kissing 
each other passionately as they did so.When they finished drying 
themselves(and each other),Ranma lovingly gave Ukyou a piggyback ride 
to the bedroom,as they still weren't done with each other.

*******************************************************************

Once in the bedroom,Ranma gently put Ukyou down on their bed;and he 
then lowered his once-again erect member into Ukyou's mouth and his 
mouth onto Ukyou's crotch so that they were laying on top of each 
other in the 69 position.While Ukyou was sucking on Ranma's throbbing 
manliness,he in turn began licking on the outer petals of her delicate 
flower.As Ukyou's tongue was dancing all over Ranma's manhood,he 
returned the favor as his tongue danced all over her womanhood.As 
their mutual pleasure built up;Ukyou deep-throated Ranma's sex pole 
while Ranma in return gently parted the petals of Ukyou's flower with 
his thumbs while his tongue washed over her exposed clit.

Not too surprisingly,not only did they climax in each others faces;but 
also when muffling each other's screams,they ended up lapping up a 
combination of each other's love juices that were left over from their 
quickie in the shower.As Ranma briefly dismounted Ukyou,she told him 
"Enough teasing,Ran-chan.Get in."

"Anything for you,my beloved Ucchan,"replied Ranma as he remounted
Ukyou so that they were face-to-face(just as they like it).He then
inserted his once again erect sex pole into her delicate flower.The 
two wasted little time making each other moan in pleasure,and they 
soon began kissing rather lustfully to muffle each other's moans.Not 
only have the 2 lovers been sexually intimate only with one another,
Ukyou has always felt both manly and womanly whenever she and Ranma 
have made passionate love to each other.In fact,as he continued 
thrusting in and out of her,Ranma began kissing Ukyou's neck and 
eventually began fondling her breasts (as well as the cleavage 
separating them)with both his fingers and his tongue as he rammed his 
pelvis against her puffy clit,further arousing her.Soon after,their 
breathing became more and more ragged as the 2 young lovers approached 
orgasm.With one final thrust;Ranma and Ukyou both came at the same 
time.

"AAAAAAAHHH,RAN-CHAAAAANNN!,"shouted Ukyou as her love juices dribbled 
out of her love tunnel and onto Ranma's balls.

"UCCHAAAAAANNNN!,"shouted Ranma as he ejaculated all the way inside of 
Ukyou.However,as they were both determined to give each other the 
maximum amount of pleasure,Ranma and Ukyou weren't quite done with 
each other yet:They continued pumping and it wasn't until they gave 
each other 13 more orgasms a piece when they finally wore each other 
out,in which about the same time the sweet aroma of their love juices 
began permeating their bedroom.

**Music:"Best of my Love,"by The Emotions**

"I love you,Ucchan,"said Ranma as he pulled over the sheets so that he 
and Ukyou were covered by them.

"I love you too,Ran-chan,"replied Ukyou as she turned out the lights.
Not yet aware that they finally conceived,the 2 lovers fell fast 
asleep.

*************************************************************

Meanwhile,in the next bedroom...

"Admit it,Genma,"said Nodoka."Ranma and Ukyou are a perfect couple.If 
you only told your son in the first place that Ukyou was a girl,he 
wouldn't have gone through the trouble of being engaged to a 
kawaiikunai otemba that didn't love him.I was a fool for believing in 
Akane-kun.Never have seen a lady so unskilled in domestic skills.At 
least Ukyou was trying to defend her fiance when she crashed the Akane 
wedding and is more domestically skilled,regardless of wardrobe."

"Alright,darling,"replied Genma."You're right.I shouldn't have forced 
the whole fiancee fiasco down his throat in the first place.I just 
hope he doesn't raise his children the way I raised him."

"Don't worry,why would he want to?Anyway,good night,Genma."

"Good night,Nodoka."

Meanwhile,in the third bedroom;Mr.Kuonji said to himself "Genma 
Saotome,just over 2 years after your son woke up and reversed the 
injustice you inflicted on both him and my daughter,you have finally 
begun to see things my way."

THE END

****************************************************************

AUTHOR'S NOTES:Alright,you may think I misuse Konatsu in my fanfics,
but the truth is:not only is pairing him up with Tsubasa the Rite Way 
to use either character in a Ranma fic,neither of Ukyou's 2 drag-queen 
stalkers deserve her.Even Ryouga is far better than either of them.BTW,
would you rather see me pair Konatsu up with Happousai and/or kill him 
off entirely?If you were offended by that yaoi lemon scene,don't say 
I didn't warn you in the disclaimer.Also,if that Ataru orgy reference 
scared any "Ataru+Lum" purists,it was only intended as a joke to 
preserve the fanfic's flavor in between the Tsubasa/Konatsu bathhouse 
scene and the Ranma/Ukyou lemon scenes.Besides,Ataru/Lum ranks among 
the top anime couples overall.I have received a couple of rants about 
how I often put Ryouga in a threesome with both Akane and Akari.The 
thing is,not only does he care for them both,he deserves them both.
Even when he saved Akari's picture instead of Akane's,he didn't stop 
romantically loving Akane completely.And yes,certain Jusenkyou curses 
can be passed on to offspring:in Nettouhen episode 45(in the U.S.,this 
episode is titled "Ranma Returns to Jusenkyou,At Last" and it's the 
second episode of the Ranma 1/2 Hard Battle:"Mirror,Mirror" video),not 
only are Ryouga and Akane married with children,but in addition,their 
three kids all fell into the fish pond and turned into P-chan's.Since
I've watched "An Akane to Remember" only once(and it was a long time 
ago),I haven't used Shinnosuke in any of my fics.However,he does 
appear in a future manga volume yet to be translated by Viz,and I may 
consider writing an Akane/Shinnosuke fic one of these days.As you 
may know,whenever I write a Ranma/Ukyou fanfic in which they are 
married,I have a propensity for having them move out of Nerima and 
operating out of a new home in western Kyoto.The reason is:not only 
does the westernmost district of the city of Kyoto actually bear the 
name Ukyou,but that's also how Ranma's kawaii iinazuke(cute fiancee)
got her given name.BTW,"kawaii iroke otemba" means "cute sexy tomboy" 
and "kawaiikunai otemba" means "uncute tomboy"(BTW,thank you,Philip 
Mak,for that tidbit about animanga and Japanese).In case you thought 
this lemon got lurid in the second half,I just can't imagine Ukyou 
with anyone other than Ranma.Just because my ideas/viewpoints are 
different from the majority,it doesn't mean that I'm a psychopath.The 
fact that both Ranma and Ukyou use first names that aren't gender 
specific(despite allegations that the latter uses a man's name)makes 
them more perfect for each other.BTW,IMHO,since no one marries at the 
end of the final manga volume(and since nothing is guaranteed),pairing 
Ranma with a lady/fiancee other than Akane SHOULD NOT be considered 
interfering with Rumiko Takahashi's ideas.As for why defwood was 
inserted into this final revision,my revenge against the author of "The 
Trial Of A Ranma Fanfic Writer" will never be complete.:/Also,as for 
why Akane is occasionally addressed as "-kun,"it AIN'T an error,since 
she IS occasionally addressed to that way in Zen's "The Long And 
Winding Road."

As with any fanfic I write,comments concerning this lemon(no flames, please)can be sent to yours truly.Minor revisions made May 29,2000.

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